Just me

When truth hurts.....

2009-06-23T09:26:00.002-04:00

Truth hurts more when your in denial.

Truth hurts when someone throws it in your face consistently.

Truth hurts when you decline to face actuality.

Truth hurts too much when its your love one that knows.

But truth stop hurting when you face your own fears, detour on the right path...and stop making excuses for what you should've or could've done.

WHEN DOES TRUTH HURT TO YOU??

Ive been Tagged.........

2009-05-07T04:55:00.011-04:00

Hey Ive been tagged with this Honesty Award for the first time on this blog. Although Ive been tagged with this award twice on Oyins world...but the first time here...yeaaaaaaaaaah. I was tagged by the lovely......Joyunspeakable. Okay from the name I too thought that this was a female. After reading the blog I learned that this is a man that shares a blog with (2) women. Hmmm, very interesting...but I like it.

I suppose to first list the rules and then tell somethings about me so here are the rules...I hope I can follow them correctly.....

1.You must brag about the award - Check
2.You must include the name of the blogger who bestowed the award on you and link back to the blogger - Check
3.You must choose a minimum of seven (7) blogs that you find brilliant in content or design.

4.Show their names and links and leave a comment informing them that they were prized with Honest Weblog.

5.List at least ten (10) honest things about yourself. Then pass it on with the instructions.

Anyways, I am suppose to tell ten things about myself....interesting enough I didnt do this with the other awards. So, I guess this may or may not be of interest to many.....

1.) Well I am a mother of 4...the oldest being 18 and the youngest being 7. Although they all drive me crazy can you believe that I do want (one) more child.

2.) I am very much addicted to Mafia War on Facebook. Join my mafia...(shar battle)!

3.) I am soooooooooo in love with someone that I shouldnt be. This is crazy love and I need and feel like I need to let him go but I just cant. Im fighting myself everyday with this love thing.

4.) I am a seafood addict....its like crack to me. If I dont have seafood in a week, somebody's in trouble. SO watch the fuk out!

5.) At night I get really lonely...well on holidays, birthdays.....and most days. Im lonely!

6.) I am the biggest flirt in the world. I can win anyone with my eyes and my big beautiful smile.

7.) I dont like or read looooooooooooong postings on blog. I kinda skim through it to see if there are keywords that are interesting....well you know, I wont say. But anyways if its not interesting then I will just say nice blog or nicely written... :)

8.) I have been watching my weight and within the past year Ive lost 60 pounds. I was 320 and now Im 260..........SWEEEEEEEEEEET!

9.) I need a "real" boyfriend.....o stop by my other blog to see what I expect from a boyfriend.

10.) Lastly....hmmm, its gotta be a good one. I prefer oral sex over everything else.......haha!

Now that you know 10 stupid.... (side eye) things about me. I have to tag seven of the people that I feel can be honest with "us" on their blog.. I think thats how it goes. Hmmm..... ( drum roll please)

Kai- I chose Kai because not only because shes a sweet very very smart young lady. Shes my blog partner that has enhanced my blog pretty much so. I see much prosperity in you...love you gurl!

JB- I chose JB because I know hes in school but hes a lil private about himself...and yes, I want to be nosey and be ALL up in his buzness.....lol

Fuzzy- I chose Fuzzy cos he like to read others testimony...and NOW its your turn Fuz...do tell all.

Ugandan girl- Ugandan girl has been my road dog from day one that I started this blog. She has sported me through all....umm, but wait she has somehow dissapeared. SO this is "your" wake up calling....

Lady A- I havent gotten the chance to know this lady...so I think now is the time.

Gayte-Keeper- I chose him because he is a blogger that I have become close to and actually gotten a chance to meet. He is very much genuine and very articulate. He is one guy that shows his strength through his words and I like that. I wont even mention cos we look cute together....SEE>>>>>

Last but of course not the least Deonte K. I chose "D" cos he is another sweetie....he enjoys taking pics (still waiting) and I really admire him for who he is....Sorry to say that when I first went to his blog that we started on the wrong page but quickly recovered and moved forward with our friendship...thanks boo..muah!

My secret love and I

2009-05-01T13:17:00.006-04:00

So and then we met...... I was so nervous at first but once I saw him it was like Id known him forever. I wasnt the shy girl that Im used to being when I first meet someone. He wasnt that tall although taller than me. He had the cutiest brown hair..hahaha. Okay whats cute about brown hair. But have you ever seen an African man with brown hair? lol

Everything turned out to be very fine. We went out and shopped, dined, and many strolls. I learned something new.....hahaha! Some man stood up and yelled " THANK YOU" towards me. I didnt know he was talking to me but Lekan explain to me that he was thanking me for showing my presence to him. Like he enjoyed looking at my behind.....lol! That was the laugh the rest of my stay with him. Lekan has a wonderful sister, and friends that were very warm and open towards me. So as I was leaving... there were many tears between the both of us.

Until then stay sweet Lekan...mauh!

Exposed.........

2009-03-13T00:09:00.003-04:00

Ive revealed my secret....

My long distances love.....

I'll never regret being close to him...

But life has to move on....

Im closing the life to this blog, for I no longer have secrets to tell....

Kai, Im so happy that I had the experience of sharing a blog with a wonderful, smart sister...

I love you and love all who supported Kai/Kinshars secret blog.....MUAH!!

please continue to visit me at my other blog http://kinshar.blogspot.com/

see you here1-29-09

2009-02-22T09:33:00.001-05:00

see you here

see you here

in my heart

i feel you

near, the closer you get

the wholeness i felt

i knew this feeling won't go away

you won't go away

cos i let you linger

my heart, my life

and you left your pieces of your being

everywhere in every place

i feel you

here with only me

why did you still love me?

you have felt me too

when i left my pieces of me there

in your soul......

THREES A CROWD!!

2009-02-10T03:30:00.002-05:00

Heres Kinshar's (Oyin's) secret.....
Kinshar got a crush.....
I fell in love with another blogger....
He and I were really close and talked all the time...
I knew that nothing would become of this relationship cos....
because of the age difference....
So how did this happen.....

We were suppose to be best friends, but ended up being lovers....
Our feelings grew over the months as the time progressed.....
I have to confess all now because it shouldnt have happened....
the way it did......
I was so sure that I could let him go as I told him....
I told him that he needs to move on to another girl that he would marry.....
Knowing it couldnt be me, I was ok with this decision.....
So he has now confessed to finding a girl.....
He loves her and she loves him as well.....

So know that he has started a new relationship with her....
I have decided to let go of the relationship with him ....
Im letting go to move on with my life as well....
I just need him to know that I still do care.....

BUT I CAN NO LONGER LOVE YOU!!

Im ready

2009-02-05T01:01:00.004-05:00

Im ready to do everything he is ready for me to do...

Im ready to accept all his flaws cause I love him so....

Once Im in his arms, I ll be ready to kiss and hug him never letting him go....

Im ready

Im ready to move to the highest level in any relationship...

Im ready to focus on building a better life with him, and only him....

If only he would and could know my heart he would know that Im really ready....

and I hope hes ready too!!

Catcher

2009-01-30T07:50:00.001-05:00

love is like a catcher
you catch me
with your open arms
~
©2009 Kai C.

Bringing closure.....

2009-01-22T03:43:00.003-05:00

Well to end all well with my week,

got things to smile about....

I got a new president,

black he is....

stop babysitting my phone,

fell off to sleep.....

got my phone call,

three in the morning....

he was in some sort of accident,

so he explained.....

Its ok, you dont have to explain,

especially since hes not my man....

So here I am sitting here thinking,

how to end my day with a bang....

Any suggestions?

44th President 1/20/09

2009-01-20T21:18:00.001-05:00

44th President 1/20/09

he came to this day

knowing

he will stand for his american people

as united states would lead the nation

there is a change

there is hope

there is faith

when obama walked into

a White House

he is the first black president

in this century

and

my family has gather around the big screen

watching history floats in air

clearly believe the eyes of ancestors

gazing down and beautifully shouts

from heavens

tears roll out of the souls

when he said his powerful speech

i came to see this man

who leads our people

on an auguaration day

when he became mr. president obama

at 12 noon

the faces of great happiness

cruise around the globe

i think i knew someday

someone who's black and lead this country

i even knew someday

a woman would become the president, too

44th president

44th black president

Obama

the world knows his name

chanting his name in the sky

Obama, Obama

in breaths of bliss

oh bless this freedom, bless my country

bless to be an american

red, white, blue

historian event

lingers my tongue

when i speak of change

while i saw people stood in the cold

cheering on and on

chanting Obama, Obama

through extraordinary moments of enthusiasm

smiles through winter

a lot of people ignores the cold

outside in D.C.

crying for joy

wearing Obama suvierners

being part of that beautiful american hisory

children in all races,

looking at this black man become the president in their generation

saying, "i want to be just like him"

anything is possible if we have faith in the way we change

it is a dream

Dr. King's dream realized

people came to the

National Mall

from each continent

like Africa, Asia, Europe

etc.

they wanted to see the history

being made

to their own eyes

as i watch this wonderful auguaration

my heart is filled with grace

not just his brown skin

but there is a change that takes the toll of America

it will take time

yet

a beautiful emotion runs

on the freezy wind

as it carries our souls

and let us fly like an american eagle

lifting our spirits up

when we call him,

Mr. President now

while tears are streaming down

proudly

thinking, yes we we can

yes we will

we got Obama

in every swimming thought

President Obama

my President Obama

to this day

January 20, 2009

no one ever thought this day

that obama will run for office

but i knew a black man will run for presdential in United States

to me, it is like Christmas Day

with a first African American president

coming to the white house

who will bring change

in our people

in our country

in our world...

Babysitting my phone..........

2009-01-19T05:11:00.004-05:00

Waiting for some minutes for him to call

Watching every second on my wall clock for him to call

He hasnt called....and its been 6 hours ago

Should I call him I ask myself

No, I wont call cos Im not the chick that stalks people

Im waiting for him to call me first....sounded a bit childish

But its true, Im waiting on his call

Cos now he hasnt called only give confirmation

Confirmation that hes either too busy for me or I dont matter

He promised that he would call me.....right back!!

2009-01-03T23:36:00.000-05:00

a little crush?
maybe..
i mght want you
might need your heart
cos i am thinking of you
in each day...
~
©2008 Kai C

like you

2008-12-28T21:06:00.000-05:00

like you

the way you adore me

as much as i adore you

we are simple, smooth

knowing my heart sings

before you speak…………

cos like you

i am feeling you

the way you feel me as

we enjoy together…..

No time for listening!!!

2008-12-28T11:54:00.004-05:00

I remember the times that we used to talk on the phone for hours. When every call meant something. Something that we held close to our hearts. Now we are face to face..no phone talk, no text messaging, and no cyber between us. Whats wrong now!?! Seems that Im here and you have me all to yourself....but your not listening! You havent been listening to my heart that has been crying. You havent been listening to my mouth as it sobs out "stop hurting me". You're not good at listening.... Its too late to respond now. The cut is too deep.

Nothing seems to matter anymore. Because now, I feel like a teenage child that has grown up..I dont need you anymore to fulfill my status. Im now doing my own thing. Been so busy, in my mind, to stop and even think about others apart from my children. I think you are trying to tell me something but some how it aint registering in my heart or mind. I must tell you this because you have been telling me this all along.

I got no time for listening!!

2008-12-19T22:44:00.001-05:00

i wonder if
i gave you butterflies
last night
cos you gave me something
that keeps me flying
in the dark skies
i wonder how did you makes me feel this way
calling me a sweet girl
in a tone of your sexy voice
and you keep me going and going
want me to be your baby
i felt that
you want me
you're thinking i'm alone and needed somebody
the way you see my expression
i wonder if you knew
i feel you too
not because you like me
because when i first saw you
i adore you
but i tried to hide my feelings away
it never works cos i always blush
and simply eye gazing at you
those butterflies tickles me so
and only wish you could hold my hand...
~
©2008 Kai C

Im just loving me....

2008-12-13T01:31:00.002-05:00

I'm just loving me......

More than he could ever love me.....

Loving myself almost too much....

Why cant I find someone that loves me like I love me....

Why cant he feel like this...

I've always imagined my life to be so sweet....

Where the sky stayed blue,

and the grass stayed green....

Don't think I'll ever find that "my own love" kinda guy....

Ill continue to just love me!!

angel eyes

2008-12-06T13:46:00.002-05:00

angel eyes

i look at your beautiful soul

i see heavens of love

your pupils of light

your irises of rainbow

i know when i look at your eyes

those sweet angel eyes

there are skies i fly to

your heart i dive in

a place where i can hide

and simply linger in your eyes

your angel eyes

so precious, so pretty

like the twinkling at night

Sometimes..............

2008-12-05T09:45:00.003-05:00

Sometimes, I just want to be pampered...

Dont want to be interrupted.

Sometimes, I just need that extra attention....

That only my man could give me.

Sometimes, I want to be surprised with small gifts...

Just because.

Sometimes I want you to show me how much you love me...

Even though you tell me all day.

Most times I love just being your big baby, love you too!!

Going Somewhere.........

2008-11-30T10:06:00.009-05:00

Where the sky is bluer
Where the grass is greener
Where I can see nothing but happiness
My smile will blind me

I'm going someplace where
Theres nothing but love in the air
lots of hugs and kisses.......
no animosity

I'm going somewhere
He will meet me
and we would guide each other
its a new place for both of us

Somewhere....
there is more than a rainbow at the end
there is someone there who awaits me
Once I'm there..................love happens

You see........then Im going somewhere!!

another, another poem for Michael

2008-11-16T20:39:00.000-05:00

another, another poem for Michael

you are a star, my bright one
how i see it in your soul
when you glow
onstage, moon walking your way out of a fairytale
and bring such magic
in me

they called you, The Glove One
they called you, The King Of Pop

yet i called you mike, yourself
a simple child like human being
dancing with my tears, my joy
it’s your voice i hear
your hands i long to shake
or even hold for a brief second
if i ever give you a hug, or say thank you
for everything that you’ve done
then it might be a beautiful moment, the best time of my life

cos of you, my bright one
you’re always be glowing one of the stars
across the heaven sky
across the milky way and oceans
and i have always believe in you
since you’re a bright star,
i believe in you like
you believe in Peter Pan

within my heart,
i know your innocence
your faith in God
your love for children
could forever spread around the globe

i called you, my bright star
with wings attached on your back to
flash around the other stars
moon-walking on a cloud in your fancy shoes
the hat you wear overshadows your face
your dark glasses hide your pretty eyes
i knew you’re still a human
a lovely black human being
with a huge heart stretch out like rainbows

oh Michael,
this is why i called you, my friend
my bright star, my Peter Pan
cos you made me cry, made me smile
and i pray, hoping in each day
for you to stay happy

~

©2008 Kai C.

Just me

2008-11-15T19:03:00.004-05:00

I am just me....

I am me for me....

I am me for who I am ....

I am just me for whoever you perceive me to be....

I am just me for him that love me for just me....

I am me......

Just me!!

My bestestest Friend.........Forever & Eva

2008-11-07T11:07:00.019-05:00

He knows me.....

He knows my heart....

He knows when Im sad....

He knows when Im anxious....

He knows me....

He is there for me when I am having problems....

He is there for me when I need a push....

He is there for me when I am praising....

He is there for me when no one else cares....

He is there for me....

There is no one that could be a better FRIEND than him....

He doesnt prejudge my past....

He has accepted all my faults....

He doesnt see them as faults only lessons learned.

My best friend loves me, and I love him too!

2008-11-05T10:53:00.002-05:00

¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸*♥♥♥♥*¸.•'´¯)¸.•' ´¯)
♥(¯`'•.¸(¯`'•.¸*♥♥*¸.•'´¯)¸.•' ´¯)♥
♥ I VOTED OBAMA~BIDEN!!!! *♥
*♥♥♥♥**One World**♥♥♥♥*¸
♥(_¸.•'´(_¸.•'´*♥♥*`'•.¸_)`'•. ¸_)♥
♥♥(_¸.•'´(_¸.•'´**`'•.¸_)`'•.¸ _)♥♥
~

~
President Obama

i want to shout out
thank you, thank you
time to change
always keeping faith
cos an American dream,
we’re living in it
and there were tears of beautiful joy
pouring from my mother’s eyes
so thank you, thank you Lord
i’m celebrating to be
an American
i wanna wave the flag
and smile
and say, this is my president Obama
i’m proud
to be an American
yet the world knows
anything is possible….
that proves every single person could
make a difference
even children could only see
this generation here
that you could do anything
in despite of an American dream
every race, every disability,
every gay or even transgender
even a woman could make a change
to the world
this is why each voice counts
only to make the world go
‘round…..

~

11-5-08

He is so sweet and is the best at what he does...

2008-11-02T22:41:00.005-05:00

Soooo, there is this boy that I would tell you about....but if I tell you then you would fall in love with him too...

a friendship week

2008-10-28T18:48:00.004-04:00

Happy Friendship Week

a friendship week

a friend

another friend

what would a world do?

have so many friends

there is

doesn’t matter

what color

what race

no matter how your disability is

friendship is the key

to our souls…………

I got it....

2008-10-27T08:52:00.005-04:00

I got that message that I have dreaded for so long,

it came to me this morning.......

I slept well last night only to wake up and hear a beep,

it was my phone.........

I kinda smiled thinking it was my sweetie leaving me a message,

but it wasnt........

My smile quickly went away,

I almost cried.......

I had a text message on my phone from a girl,

"moma, I'm pregnant" it said......

I had to sit up and just ponder,

I forcefully held back the tears.......

ok ok, I thought, get yourself together,

so I texted her back with a million questions......

not ready to verbally communicate,

ok maybe not a million,

but a million and two......

I made her understand that an abortion is not an option,

she agreed as well......

Im gonna be a freakin grandma,

am I really that old, wow......

He didnt know...........

2008-10-24T02:52:00.006-04:00

How he made me feel

How I always thought about it....

it...yea "IT"

He never knew how I would lay here

how I would feel his touches...

When he look into my eyes

...I felt warm, special, and loved!

Holding each other arm in arm,

smiling, kissing, touching, and making sweet gestures, no love making.

Just doing things that he didnt know!

My love doesnt

2008-10-16T15:23:00.008-04:00

My love doesnt.....
Fade
Vanish
Annul
or dissapear for him.

My love wont......
Demolish
Conclude
Dissolve
or adjourn for him.

My love is ....
real
4 real
so real just for him.

He comforts my love,
He feels my love,
He appreciates my love,
He knows my love(heart),
He only wants my love.......

My love doesnt......and it wont!!